We dated the Zeros… so you don’t have to.


3 Unwise Men of Christmas Present(s)


Some of my friends are in for yuletide surprises this Christmas. Their girls are going to egg-knock these guys upside the head.  Why?  Because my friends didn’t place much thought into their gifts. Their girls are going to notice. Stacy, my girl, however, will be most pleased.  Why? I used my noggin in selecting her gift.  I put in the effort.

Let me present to you the following unwise gentlemen, pointing out their faults, as well as suggesting ways to truly wow their girlfriends this year. The names have been changed to protect their identities, although if my friends’ girlfriends read this, I bet they’ll know who’s being called out.


Dapper Dan

Danny’s a flashy guy.  He seeks big price tags and brand names. He believes the over-priced designer bag he got for his girl this year, like every year, makes for a great present.  But I know his girl (through discussions with mine) is fed up with the repetition. Of course she’s appreciative, but disappointed; she thinks he could give more effort in choosing a gift for her. I know that Dan’s girlfriend loves to travel, because she told my girlfriend all about her trip to Sweden last semester. For as much as that handbag costs, he could afford two tickets to paradise.

If he was an even slightly better listener, Dan would know to make reservations for them both to go to Copenhagen when it warms up so they could experience the beautiful city together. My girlfriend knows I can’t read her mind, but she also knows I love to give her gifts that make her feel like I put her passions above any price.


Fashionable Frank 

Ol’ Frank means well, but he’s just not very empathetic. He assumes people think like he does.  He is getting his girl an expensive leather coat this Christmas because leather was all the rage on the catwalk in Paris and New York this season. Because celebrities and models are drenched in the stuff, that’s a good enough reason for Frank to give her leather. Because he wants her to be as fashionable as he is, he suspects his girlfriend will love this gift.  She won’t. His girlfriend is a vegetarian.  Ian knows this because he has complained about it when we’ve all gone out to dinner. It doesn’t click with him though. I’m not sure they’ll be together much longer after this Christmas.

If he wants to keep this relationship, Frank needs to be more considerate.  For example, she would appreciate receiving something more like a kitchen composting system, since she likes to garden and currently composts in a heap out back. It sounds weird, but I’d bet my paycheck she’d realize the amount of thought he put into a gift that helped her grow organic vegetables, rather than an expensive coat made from an animal.


Hesitant Henry

Henry wants to propose to his girl.  She knows this.  They have talked about it for the last year.  But Henry is hesitant about the process.  He isn’t hesitant about his feelings, but lives in fear of the engagement ring buying process.  I told him to find information on the web, which walks consumers through the process.  He is older, and a bit of a technophobe, so he doesn’t really use the internet much. A big part of his hold-up is the fact that his girlfriend has expressed to him that she doesn’t want a ‘blood diamond’ but doesn’t want a cubic zirconia either. If Henry would take the time to get acclimated to using the web, he could easily find the information he needs to make an informed decision. There are quite a few companies who manufacture real man-made diamonds.

In the coming year, Henry needs to embrace the option of eCommerce as an alternative to perusing storefronts with pushy salesmen. Henry is already in the doghouse for buying that timeshare just to get free NFL tickets.  From the leisure of his office chair or couch seat, he can learn about buying the ring that his girl wants.


This article was written in partnership with gemesis.com


Eric Dockwiller

About the author: Eric Dockwiller

Eric Dockwiller lives in Midtown Manhattan and writes about fashion, music, travel and culture. He regularly contributes to blogs and magazines in New York and his native San Francisco. When he is not exploring the New York fashion and music scenes, Eric is in search of the tastiest waves and the perfect beat.

Eric has written 1 articles for us.

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