We dated the Zeros… so you don’t have to.

14
December

5 Christmas Films for the Grinch in You (Or Anyone With a Dark Sense of Christmas Humor)

+comment

While I admit to loving the holiday season (I like Christmas music, shopping, and I’m really into wrapping presents), I do realize it’s annoying.  In fact, my husband is the polar opposite.  He likes it in small doses, while I am a total Christmas glutton. Christmas can be super stressful.  Unless you don’t fly home for the holidays, own a handicapped placard for stress-free parking, don’t have small children that want everything, or don’t have divorced parents or in-laws that require time juggling and splitting of time – I’m sure Christmas is a breeze. But for some, Christmas is exhausting and taxing. It’s so much that a family screening of It’s a Wonderful Life may have you secretly hoping George Bailey will go ahead and off himself.  Too far?  But just in case, here are a few bah-humbug film suggestions just for you.

 

1.  Bad Santa

Billy Bob Thornton plays a crooked, mall Christmas Santa who works the holiday season as Santa only to rob the mall blind on Christmas Eve with this dwarf accomplice – his Elf. If you need an alcoholic, disgusting, criminal Santa – here’s your movie. If you want to hear things like “faggy Santa,” constant references to balls, anal sex, and midgets, here’s your movie. It’s dark, it’s twisted, and it’s pretty funny.


2.     The Ref

When a burglar (Dennis Leary) takes an unhappy, bickering couple (Kevin Spacey and Judy Davis) as hostages to sit out Christmas Eve while he comes up with a getaway plan – you have a rude, snarky yet darkly comic and cool holiday film. Yes, it’s set on Christmas Eve with all the trappings of Christmas, but a dysfunctional family and Leary playing mediator makes The Ref awesome.

3.     Gremlins

Maybe you remember this movie as the cute, quirky kid’s film with the adorable Mogwai.  However, it’s about creepy reptilian creatures that kill people, rampage a town, and has one of the most horrible, depressing Christmas stories ever. Phoebe Cates’ monologue describes how she found her dad, dead in the chimney, because he was trying to surprise her as Santa.  She ends it with “and that’s how I found out there was no Santa Claus.” If that morbid tale doesn’t damper your holiday spirit, nothing will.

4.     Silent Night, Deadly Night

A homicidal maniac who goes on a killing spree in a Santa suit? Pass the eggnog. In fact, his early 80’s horror flick teaches some important parental lessons:

1. Don’t take your kids to visit grandpa if he lives in a mental institution

2. If you see your dad killed and mom raped, maybe get some therapy?

3. If a man in a Santa suit killed your parents, don’t let this guy work in a toy store and make him dress up as Santa

4. Nuns are evil

5. Shooting a priest is an accident that could happen to anyone.

5. About a Boy

Okay maybe this movie does have a musical number and a feel-good ending (sorry Bah-humbugs). However, it does have a suicidal mom and Hugh Grant in one of his best roles as a lazy, spoiled rich guy who has never worked a day in his life because his dad wrote a Christmas jingle. Instead he prefers to spend Christmas alone, watching horror films, avoiding anything remotely family-oriented and getting stoned. He’d love Silent Night, Deadly Night.

I originally wrote this post for CulturePop.com

BACK TO TOP

Leave a Reply

Subscribe to Comments via RSS