We dated the Zeros… so you don’t have to.

19
September

5 Signs That He’s The One

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*I wrote this article back in 2012 the week before I got married. (cue slow happy tear) I’m going to a friend’s wedding this weekend and thought it might be time to run it again:)

Enjoy – Claudia

you're the one

 

When Megan and I started this entire The Zeros Before the One journey, we were two single women with a truckload of crazy dating/relationship stories.  Over four years, many blogs and an awareness to what we were doing wrong, Megan is married with a beautiful son and I’m getting married tomorrow. Now we aren’t saying we’re experts at marriage, we’re too new at it, but we have become pretty adept at spotting the good ones.

That being said, can the term “the One” seem overwhelming or unrealistic? Totally.  It carries an unnecessary burden.  It’s been built up by songs, poems, movies and fairy tales.  We live in modern times where lots of people get married, but fewer meet ‘the one.’  In fact, I never walked around thinking “I want to find the one.”  I’m too superstitious for that, and “the one” seemed too vague.  I believe if you ask the universe for something, it’s best to be specific.  Instead, I walked around thinking, “I want to find someone to build a life and grow old together.”  And then one night at a bar, when I didn’t want to talk to any men whatsoever, I met an incredible man that I’m thrilled to marry and spend the rest of my life with.

At one point in my life, finding myself in a wonderful relationship  seemed impossible. But I’ve learned since then.  We’ve been trained that ‘the one’ is going to swoop in, save your life and carry you off into the sunset. Dial down those Disney dreams.  Most times, slow and steady wins the race in love.  So here are 5 signs that he is the one. There are no absolutes when in comes to meeting the right person, and sadly, most of the things I’ve learned in life have been the hard way. But I think if you seek out and find these qualities (or you already have them), you are on your way to your own happily ever after.

1. It’s Easy

I was so used to not getting called/texted back, wondering what our status was, having someone disappear on me for a week or so only to resurface as if nothing was wrong, and a slew of other Zeros behavior that I was suspicious of the ease of a great relationship.  When he’s the One, he always calls  you back, he includes you in his plans, he keeps you in the loop.  In fact, it’s the way we all should be treated because it’s…well, easy.  Unfortunately too many of us have been raised on dating drama that we’ve come to expect it.  Don’t.  Once you’re in a healthy relationship you’ll be amazed how effortlessly it floats along.

2. He’s One of Your Best Friends & You Respect Each Other

I have a very good group of girlfriends that I confide everything in, so it was hard to start to include my guy in this loop.  He actually told me he felt I didn’t share things with him.  I wasn’t used to having a man in my inner circle, but I learned.  And now, I tell him everything. Of course maybe he doesn’t need to hear my top 3 picks for “Project Runway”, but he’s one of my best friends and I know I can always count on him. More importantly, I respect him.  He offers really good advice. I respect his work ethic, his talent, his ambition, his intellect and most importantly, his integrity.  Respect is important for a couple to grow together.  I can’t imagine being with a man I couldn’t respect or one that didn’t respect me.   When loving someone is the easy part but liking them is hard, you’ve got a long uphill battle.  The friendship will get you through a lot more than lust or attraction.

3. He Has Positive Relationships (with family and friends) In His Life and Wants You To Get To Know Them

I’m sure most of us have dated a guy that we kept away from our friends. Either you weren’t proud of something about him or the relationship that made you protect him from those that know you the best. I’ve done it.  I remember a girlfriend telling me a long time ago when I was casually hooking up with an ex who’d broken my heart, “a guy you can’t bring around your friends isn’t a guy you should be spending time with.” She was right.  The One is so thrilled and excited he’s met you, he wants all of his friends to know it.  Wedding coming up, he’s totally bringing you.  Parents coming into town, he organizes dinner.  These are things the one does.  Not because he has too, but he thinks you’re fantastic and wants everyone in his life to know it.

4. You’re Both Really Attracted to Each Other 

This is important because a lot of women marry a good guy, a nice guy, a good provider, etc. but they aren’t in love or attracted to him.  While those qualities listed above are great, but they’ll be crushed under the weight of meeting someone you are really attracted to.  Too many women think they can’t have both.  They’ve been hurt by the men they are physically attracted to so they believe life will be easier with a solid guy who they think is kind of nice.  That’s not true! Don’t settle.  There are lots of guys out there who you’ll be crazy about and are good, awesome, solid men.  I promise.

5.  Both of You Are the Best Versions of Yourself With Him

The One makes you believe you’re awesome (which you are) on those days when you think no one could love you.  The One thinks you’re perfect just the way you are.  The One doesn’t need you to lose weight, get a boob job, change your nose/job/car/family/income/whatever.  He loves you for you and vice versa.  This is pretty incredible.  When the person you are with is a mirror reflecting back the best version of yourself, it’s un-fucking-believable. And each of us deserve that.

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