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05
November

6 Signs He Wants to Be More Than ‘Just Friends’

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*It’s that time of year: holiday parties, Secret Santa gifts, lots of drunken debauchery, etc. So we thought we’d run one of our post popular blogs. How to tell if he wants to be more than friends?…

 

Ever think you were hanging out with a guy friend and suddenly you’re on a date?  Sometimes I’ve been naive, sometimes I’ve felt a little conceited to think he thought more, so I dismissed the signals, and sometimes I’ve just not wanted to address it. Either way, you’re acting like you’re just friends, but someone wants (usually desperately) for it to be more. You may think you’re just friends and that it was understood, but trust me, they are waiting, planning, or just hoping to make their move. You’re in murky waters because you’re friends with this guy because you really like him, except the thought of kissing him kind of grosses you out. Maybe men and women can’t be ‘just friends.’ Did When Harry Met Sally lay down the rules and they haven’t changed in 20 years?

The rules from When Harry Met Sally:

Harry: Because no man can be friends with a woman that he finds attractive. He always wants to have sex with her.

Sally: So, you’re saying that a man can be friends with a woman he finds unattractive?

Harry: No. You pretty much want to nail ‘em too.

Sally: What if THEY don’t want to have sex with you?

Harry: Doesn’t matter because the sex thing is already out there so the friendship is ultimately doomed and that is the end of the story.

Of course there is the clause that men and women can be friends if both are in other relationships. Not to say that some great friendships have ended in a relationship. One person harbors a crush for ages, finally acts on it and voila! The girl realizes how awesome he is, and it ends happily ever after. More often, someone harbors a crush for ages, the girl kind of knows it but chooses to ignore it because she’s not attracted to him, then she accidentally ends up on a sneak-a-date with the guy having an awkward conversation telling him she doesn’t see him “that way.” Mind you this goes both ways. Women are the queens of grand crushes (ridiculous crushes on guys that didn’t know I existed consumed my high school years). I actually presented a case to a guy friend why we would make a great couple. Nothing like a drunk email professing your long simmering love for total humiliation. I’m not trying to say that just because you have a good guy friend, he’s totally into you. Far from it. And I don’t mean to sound conceited. I’ve just had numerous girlfriends who seem to enjoy having thes guy friends. But at some point, aren’t they leading them on? Some women really enjoy the company, and while technically nothing is happening, I grow weary of when I ask “So, what’s up with Darren?” and then I get a mock protest of “What? Darren? We’re just friends.” Some women use these friendships to get through lonely times, get over a breakup, or just because it’s comforting. I just think more people should learn to read the signals.

Just to cut things off at the pass, here are 6 Signs that he’s totally into you. Take pains to avoid these situations and nip ‘em in the bud. It’s better to cut this guy loose enabling him to find the right girl, for you not to take advantage of a crush, and to avoid the horrible awkward conversation that you’re “just friends.”

How To Tell if He’s Secretly in Love with You?

1. He offers to help you move. I believe there is a corner of hell where people are just constantly moving – especially boxes of books, refrigerators and inexplicably heavy armoirs and couches that are difficult to get through doorways.  Basically, moving is hell.  It sucks. So unless a guy is related to you or sleeping with you, there’s no way he’s offering to help you move unless he secretly habors a desire to move into your vagina.

2. He offers to take you to the airport. See #1 for other duties that suck but best friends, lovers and family members are forced to do.  If the guy you work with, or that old college buddy, or your “friend” Kevin overhears that you need a ride to the airport and easily offers one? Red flag. Assume he’s planning on making his move as you give him a hug goodbye.

3. He randomly has tickets to something amazing that he knows you’ll love.  They aren’t random, and it’s not a coincidence.  He’s been plotting a perfect date that “accidentally” fell into his lap, that he knew you’d absolutely love.  It’s a ploy – albeit, a clever and very difficult to refuse ploy.

4. He’s overdressed when you hang out. I’m not suggesting he’s in a tuxedo, but usually guys couldn’t be more casual.  Jeans, t-shirt, Chuck Taylors – done and done.  So if he’s wearing a button-down to catch that film or he look clean shaven or he’s not wearing a baseball cap on a Sunday afternoon…. red flag.

5.  Excessive IM or facebook messages. We all have those friends that we waste exorbitant amounts of time with via IM, email, or facebook, especially to break the monotony or annoyance of work.  And of course, most of it is harmless and fun.  But long chat sessions with a guy? They enjoy endless conversation about as much as front row tickets to a Rosie O’Donnell show. They just want to be talking to you, anyway they can.

6.  He remembers your birthday. Unless you’re related, grew up together or share the same birthday, what guy remembers birthdays? In fact, who remembers them anyway? Without those facebook birthday reminders, I’d forget them all.  Not that men aren’t considerate, sweet, and thoughtful, and if you’ve planned a big shendig and he shows up with a present – that’s normal, not over the top.  But if you’re letting this birthday pass silently because they get a little depressing and your good guy “friend” shows up with a wrapped present? He may want to unwrap something else in your I’m-getting-older-several-glasses-of-wine moment later in the evening.

 

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3 Responses to “6 Signs He Wants to Be More Than ‘Just Friends’”

  1. July 8, 2011 at 11:55 am

    Actually, #6 can just be a sign of Aspergers. Other signs include knowing the number of steps from the nearest Starbucks to your apartment and what the weather was like the last time you wore that blouse. Wait, nevermind.

  2. Anna Keizer July 10, 2011 at 3:32 am

    Great post! Once was nervous about a guy friend harboring “more than platonic” feelings for me, but was reassured by my BFF that unless he showed up at my door with flowers, I had nothing to worry about. The next day he brought me a dozen roses. FYI: He’s now married to someone else and very happy, so it all worked out!

  3. September 14, 2011 at 10:29 am

    Great post; really accurate!

    I love the responses too. Anna: Isn’t it really weird when that happens?! There was a guy I was friends with that I thought liked me more than he should have. I was stressing over whether he would ask me out, where he would suggest we go etc. if he did. Obviously, considering all the options, I contemplated him asking me out to dinner, but then I thought that wasn’t likely; that was what 25 year olds did (we were both still students at the time), and we couldn’t afford it. Strangely enough I met him a couple of days later and he actually did ask me out to dinner! (I said no.)

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