And I refuse to show you the money… Why I hate Jerry Maguire3comments
You complete me.
Way back in 1996 When Tom Cruise, as the character Jerry Maguire, said those words, countless women swooned. And countless other women, such as myself, rolled their eyes.
I’ve never liked the movie Jerry Maguire. ‘You complete me’ as a phrase seemed to me unhealthily codependent. Also, I didn’t buy it. Maguire seemed like he desperately needed someone to desperately need/want him much more than he actually loved her for her. Unfortunately, the desperate desire to be loved has been the basis for many an unhealthy relationship (I’ve been guilty of it myself), but that’s a post for another time.
Why do women find ‘you complete me’ to be so romantic? Perhaps it is because it is a sentiment that many women feel about their romantic partner, but feel the sentiment isn’t reciprocated. This is not tot say that that their partner doesn’t love them, but men don’t seem to define themselves by their relationship the way many of us ladies do.
It’s not just women who tend to define ourselves by our relationships. Society at large does it as well. Case in point… why is it that a married woman is a Mrs. and an unmarried woman is a Miss, yet a man, married or unmarried is Mr.? And you’d think the inequity would finally stop when we die, but you’d be wrong. The word widow appears in newspapers 15 times more often than widower when describing someone whose spouse has died.
I don’t think there is anything wrong with a relationship being an important part of one’s life. The problem isn’t necessarily that women think that a relationship is important. But is it healthy to have her relationship be part of her identity? Maybe it is. Maybe the problem is the discrepancy.
I love my guy dearly, but he does not complete me. Nor do I want to complete him. That sounds exhausting. As far as I’m concerned, the ideal is not to have two halves forming a whole, but two wholes coming together to form a partnership.
Which brings me back to Jerry Maguire and the whole ‘you complete me’ business. I have a feeling that while a great many women find the idea of this sentiment crazily romantic, a great many men probably find a woman saying it to them a sign that she is crazily needy.