Are Demi & Ashton really “doomed” to fail?2comments
Recently Vicki Larson wrote an article using the recent infidelity rumors about Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher and loads of science to explain that older women marrying younger men may be a “doomed relationship model.” However, for all the science and statistics Larson shares to explain that this age disparity doesn’t work, she lacks any experience or first hand knowledge of these older women, younger men couples.
I take this personally because my mother is almost 15 years older than my step-father, and they’ve been happily married for over 20 years. Much like Demi and Ashton (without the movie star status and perfect bodies), my stepdad was in his twenties when he married my mom, a divorced woman with two young girls. Was this a little scandalous? Absolutely. My stepdad’s friends were still partying and single while he was buying a house with two girls in middle school. On the flip side, I think my mom’s friends were pretty impressed. I now refer to her as the original cougar. Did my mom have age issues? Sure, but my mom has been coy about her age for as long as I can remember. She told me she was 29 until I started to put it all together, in the 5th grade. Luckily for my mom she’s always looked younger than her contemporaries, and their marriage had the strange effect of people assuming my stepdad must be older and my mother must be younger. While everyone says that such an age difference would cause problems in a marriage, we don’t bat an eye at much older men marrying younger women. In real life and in films, men marrying much younger women is socially accepted and completely understood.
Why do I think Demi and Ashton are having problems? Not that they are 15 years apart, but because they work in an industry that can be a marriage killer. Actors have to be separated from their families for weeks on end, endless travel, being famous and having women throwing themselves at them. Now my stepdad doesn’t look like Ashton, but he also wasn’t going to Vegas with his other famous friends whenever he wanted to. Not to mention that when both couples are rich, divorce is easy. For most of the population, divorce is a financial nightmare. Real couples sometimes have to ride out the rough years because divorce isn’t an option. I’m not saying that’s a great reason to stay with someone, but when leaving isn’t hard, well… it just isn’t hard. I think the reason they may be having marriage issues is the same reasons many Hollywood couples fall apart, the industry is not easy on marriage. What other job makes you kiss beautiful people, lie around half naked with beautiful people all the time, or forces you to have chemistry with your leading lady/man who isn’t your husband or wife? I just think it’s easy to blame it on the age difference, when I think it has more to do with their lifestyles.
I’m not going to lie. When I was 13, having a much younger stepdad seemed weird to me, and it took some time to adjust. As I got older, my respect and esteem for my parents grew because I understood how many people were probably against their marriage. When I was in my mid twenties, the thought of marrying a divorcee with two kids and providing for an entire family was beyond scary, and I now think my stepdad has balls of steel for marrying my mom. I asked him one time how he did it, and he answered “you can’t choose who you fall in love with.”
And while we’re talking about it, my sister is older than her husband, I’m older than my boyfriend, I have several cousins older than their husbands, and I can keep counting the women I know that are 1, 5, 7 or more years older than their husband. And guess what? No one cares. They are happy, have beautiful children and their age plays no importance in their marriage whatsoever. Why? Because they fell in love. It’s pretty simple, really. It’s the media and antiquated ideas of marriage that are the problem. I’m just saying if we want total equality for women, then let them marry anyone they want – young or old – and get off their backs. As my great aunt once told me, “Marry a younger man Claudia, because we out live them.” So maybe these cougars have a better plan than these women marrying older men. Demi and the rest of them may actually have someone to grow old with them – at least according to my great aunt.