Articles By Claudia
Shag, Marry, Kill
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Shag, Marry, or Kill: This game never gets old, but the challenge is coming up with the three choices. For those of you that don’t know this game – when given a choice of three names you MUST say who you would choose to Marry, Shag (well, it’s Fuck really, but we’ll be nice) or Kill. Obviously the harder the choices (and by hard, I mean disgusting, personally offensive, weird, bizarre or otherwise not on your list of shag-able famous people), the better.
Is ‘Mad Men’ Cool or Creepy?
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I enjoy the elusiveness about the show – the mysterious air/don’t give a damn attitude of the creators, but that being said, last Sunday’s episode left me with a really unsettling feeling…Who am I rooting for? I’m not saying I need a perfect rom com style protagonist, but help a sister out.
Who Are You Embarrassed To Say is Sexy?
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But it got me thinking about all of those crushes that take you by surprise. To find Brad Pitt or Ryan Gosling sexy is easy. They are. But when you are attracted to the limping, kind-hearted, pudgy butler on “Downton Abbey” – it definitely take you by surprise. You realize their sexiness is about qualities of character (and their talent at bringing this to screen) than their physical looks. This is why millions of women find Howard Stern sexy.
“Should I Stay or Should I Go?” Not just The Clash’s Classic Conundrum
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The other night I was listening to a dear friend agonize about whether or not she should end her relationship of 3 years. This was not the first time we’d had this conversation. This was not even the tenth time we’d had this conversation.
Don’t Hate Me Because I’m Beautiful
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I know we are supposed to all be very “you go girl” about our looks, abilities, bodies, etc. but I have always thought a confident person didn’t need to shout their attributes from the rooftop. To me, the people constantly calling attention to said attributes seemed to lack real confidence since they needed to draw so much attention to it all the time. Maybe I was just raised that a little bit of humility goes a long way. Enter British writer Samantha Brick. On Monday the UK’s Daily Mail published her article “Why Women Hate Me For Being Beautiful: There are Downsides to Being This Pretty.”
Are Women More Pervy Than You Think (& Why We are Reading “Fifty Shades of Grey”)
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It might be no surprise that I have already downloaded and finished reading all three of the “Fifty Shades” books onto my iPad. Are they good? Eh, define good. They are not well-written, but I never thought “The Da Vinci Code” was well-written and that didn’t stop it from being an enjoyable read. However, I find myself recommending this book to my female friends (usually after I’ve had a couple of glasses of wine). Let me explain.
How NOT to pick up women at a bar
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I’m a bartender – at a very busy, packed, meat-market type of bar. This puts me in the interesting position of watching the whole dance between men and women go down each night, over and over and over again, with a lot of jager and beer thrown in to keep it intersting. Every once and a while, I’m thrust into the middle of it all. And for the hundreds of great, normal guys, there are those few bad apples whose level of douchebaggery is astounding.
Soaking & Other Freaky Things I Learned About on UrbanDictionary.com
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Soaking: This method occurs when the males’ erect penis is placed inside the female vagina and lays still. This is the soaking process. The dick soak is a spiritual experience, it allows both partners to connect with each other at a deep level without going all the way. For a dick soak to occur the passionately paused penis must not make a single movement in any direction. It must “soak.”
Why Hunger Games is Better Than Twilight?
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Despite the urging of tons of friends, I already felt guilty about getting sucked into a young adult, poorly written, vampire trilogy. I thought the last thing I needed was a post-apocalyptic, deathmatch trilogy. However, I was wrong. “The Hunger Games” is much better than “Twilight.”
Should Plastic Surgery Ads Be Banned?
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I’ve always been an anglophile. It started with an early introduction to Jane Austen and Miss Marple, but besides the dreary weather, I’d probably be very happy living in London. Moreso these days by what appears to be their new take-no-prisoners, badass feminist attitude towards the plastic surgery/ beauty/ industry. The group UK Feminista is petitioning the British government to end plastic surgery advertising.
The Zeros Field Guide
The Ambiguously Gay Guy
[conflictious sexualous or homus streisandticus]
A chameleon-like variety of man which causes confusion and frustration in prospective mates; this species tends toward cleanliness, vanity and an inexplicable love of footwear.
See: Ryan Seacrest
The Manslut
[masculus rakehellious]
A feral variety of the male species, known for copulating with a large variety of females. Indigenous to nightclubs, frat houses, and often found in close proximity to reflective surfaces, this nomad is frequently found in packs of other Mansluts. This animal uses its appearance and charms to lure its prey.
Synonyms: Gonorrhea Boy, Mario Lopez or Colin Farrell.
The Verbal Masturbator
[oralivis beat-offitum]
This species spends most of his time with others talking only about himself. Believing his every move is important and must be regaled, and do so, loudly and repeatedly, especially to the woman he believes so lucky to be his date. His unique hearing seems to only be able to discern accolades and the sound of his own voice above everything else.
The Dead Electrician
[disappearaveatum inexplicti]
A rare breed of males that after spending happy, fulfilling, seemingly normal times with a wonderful woman, disappears off the face of the earth and never calls again. Signs of dead electrician disappearing behavior come in coded messages such as ‘I’ll call you later,’ “Let’s make plans for this weekend,” or “I’ll call you Friday when I’m on my way over.”
The Cheapskate
[dutch-treaticus infinitum]
A variety of male that hordes its resources to the detriment of its mate.
The Mirage
[perfectus prevaricatum]
Projects the image of perfection, luring unsuspecting females to the parched dessert of disappointment and despair.
The Big Talker
[bullshitkus perfectus]
An intuitive form of chameleon, this breed can accurately access the needs of potential mates and will verbalize his intentions to meets these needs. He will meet none of these needs.
The “Nice” Guy
[politea blanditus or pleasantillum lacklustericium]
A common species of man that suffers from delusions of nicety as the reason of their inability to secure a mate. Have an inability to admit to their other characteristics such as needy, boring, insecure, socially awkward or bad in bed.
The Virtual Man
[texticus ad nauseus]
The species creates an impression of closeness called a Virtual Relationship through near constant indirect communication. This specifically modern species of man is known for poor grasp of spelling and grammar, and also known for expressing all feelings through emoticons. Anthropologists suspect this genus will, over time, develop engorged thumbs due to excessive texting and may die out do to no actual physical interactions.
The Little Friend
[minusculis shaftivitum]
A species known for their expensive modes of transport, they are endowed with a penis of inadequate size. While this alone does not make them an undesirable potential mate, it doesn’t help. Often this species will attempt to overcompensate their unfortunately small member with an unfortunately large ego.
The Jockstrap
[sporticus obssesum]
The specific male species so obsessed with a sport, their team, their fantasy football league, fantasy baseball league and sports center updates that they have little time for reproduction or even copulation. Experts recognize this species by the excess hot wing consumption and empty pizza boxes littering their female free abodes. Can often be heard from a distance yelling, screaming or cursing their beloved teams.
The Closeted Addict
[bacanalus coverti]
Known for his ability to ingest large amounts of questionable, and often illegal, substances, while giving little indication of this behavior.
Recent Comments
Claudia Maittlen-Harris commented on 5 Reasons You Should (Must) Break Up With Your Boyfriend -- Don't feel embarrassed. I wouldn't be able to write it if I hadn't been there. The best part is recognizing it and moving forward. You said this was you 6+ months ago, which is awesome, because now it [...]
Candy commented on 5 Reasons You Should (Must) Break Up With Your Boyfriend -- It's pretty embarrassing reading this and seeing myself 6+ months ago. Literally every sign pointed to this. I especially loved the part about your at-home life becoming reflected in your relationshi [...]
TheGirl commented on Do we expect our men to be Superman? -- Yeh...my blog series is kinda on the same line, that guys are not superheroes. Even when they try to be. if you're in love with someone you already see them perfectly despite their flaws.
