Cordially Uninvited: The New Trend of Wedding Anti-Invitations+comment
Not that we all keep up-to-date on recent wedding trends, but this new trends needs some attention: “anti-invites”. Yes an invitation/announcement to tell you that no, you are not invited. It is a well-known fact that couples invite friends and loved ones to celebrate this occasion. It is also known, due to any number of reasons, that couples do not invite everyone they have ever encountered to their ceremony and reception. But is the anti-invitation really necessary?
What is the Anti-Invite?
At one point in time, not inviting someone to a wedding meant not sending them an invite. However, some mean girls modern couples are taking this a step further. To make sure guests, or non-guests in this case, are aware of their invitation status, a couple will send an invitation to invited guests. Those people who are not lucky enough to make the cut are sent a message stating that they are not invited.
Usually, couples who decide that this is the best way to inform people that they are not invited send an e-mail. Others take a formal approach and send cards to inform people that their presence is not requested. The bold, but not too bold, couples have their wedding planners act as the messenger.
Some couples choose to use a variation on this concept, the wait list. Potential guests are divided into two categories, the a-list and b-list. Guests on the a-list get invited. The b-list is notified that they are wait-listed. If anyone on the VIP list chooses not to attend, a lucky person on the wait list is notified of the opening. Apparently getting to go to a wedding is now resembling getting into a club. Lovely.
The Increased Popularity of the Anti-Invitation
Couples that send notifications to inform people that they are not invited state a variety of reasons for
choosing this method. One reason is budget. Some couples are trying to have the wedding of their dreams without it becoming a financial nightmare. The non-invitation confirms to a person that did not receive an invitation that there was not an oversight. They really were not invited.
Telling people they are not invited to the wedding also deters those people who think they are automatically invited from attending. It would seem that there is a small percentage of people that believe when someone says the word “wedding”, they are automatically invited. The non-invite removes any assumptions that those people may have. And by assumptions, these brides sending non-invites must really want to make all future Thanksgiving and Christmas events incredibly awkward.
Is This Tacky or Something Couples Need to Do?
While the justifications for sending non-invites may be many, does it justify the perceived rudeness and resentment guests may feel? No, it does not. There are other ways to make sure the guests that are wanted in attendance are invited and those that are not invited to not come.
One suggestion is to not send the uninvited person an invitation. This has been a tried and true way to let people know that they are not invited. It has also been used for years without issue. Truth be known, some people may be bothered by not getting invited. However, opening an e-mail or note that explicitly tells someone they are not invited is more hurtful than not inviting the person at all.
Sending a non-invite may seem like a good way to avoid confrontation. If someone who was not invited to the wedding inquires as to their invitation, couples should be honest. Most people are understanding and respect a couple’s invitation list. Sending individual notifications is not necessary and insulting. On the other hand, if alienating people was the goal. This is a great way to accomplish that. A better idea would be to send invitations with response cards and send those who are not going to get invited a wedding announcement.
Regardless of the rationale behind it, most people find the thought of doing this insulting and self-serving. The issue is not with couples inviting who they want to their event. The issue is really about the audacity of sending a non invitation. Whatever happened to the days where simply not sending someone an invitation spoke for itself?