Do You Have a Wedding Pinterest Board and Are Not Engaged? Congrats! Everyone Else Does Too.+comment
Remember some time back when Pinterest allowed us to make secret boards? I’m convinced it was for all the women pinning to their wedding board even if they were single or in a relationship but not engaged. I’m not alone. According to an article in the New York Times,
“The Internet has made it easier to plan and plot weddings in private.” Anja Winikka, the director of TheKnot.com said, “I think women love the anonymity of visiting a wedding site instead of buying a magazine and having it anywhere in sight of your boyfriend or a guy you are dating.”
Maybe this is nothing new. Women have been stashing their bridal magazines the way men used to stash their Playboys for years. (All of which probably ended in the mid 90s.) And I understand why. When I was in high school, my best friends’ older brother was pretty hot, graduated from college and was living with his girlfriend, Shauna. (At 15, the lives of 22-year olds was very fascinating.) I never met Shauna, but I heard all about her from my best friend – who was not a fan. One day my best friend was looking for something in her brother’s apartment and found an old suitcase filled with a stack of bride magazines. We were shocked that Shauna was picking out wedding dresses. Her brother never proposed and we found out later, never had any intention of proposing. But I always felt a little bad for Shauna, secretly buying bridal magazines, pouring over them by herself and then hiding them away so as not to appear like the girl that wanted a ring when that’s exactly what she wanted. If only Shauna had a secret wedding Pinterest board!
As much as I’m a romantic in every way, I was never the girl that imagined my perfect wedding growing up. Yes, I had opinions on dresses, but until I was engaged I never really looked at wedding stuff unless I was on bridesmaid duty. I should also say I’m the opposite of Type A and have absolutely no desire to orchestrate or control events. I’m not judging those that do, but I found wedding planning a lot more work and stress than was presented to me in films and TV. But maybe that’s what’s so great about Pinterest. You just look at pretty pictures and tap on “Pin.” That requires no money, no commitment, no deposits, no long discussions with family and in-laws, no disagreement with your fiance explaining why something is worth it, etc. Maybe the allure of Pinteresting your ideal imaginary wedding is that it involves none of the harsh, expensive and compromising realities of an actual wedding. And I don’t want to bag on Pinterest. It was a godsend during the actual planning. I’m convinced all of our weddings got prettier with Pinterest, or at least our hair options have grown dramatically. But planning a day that is no where in your future or without even knowing who you might be marrying? It could be a little unhealthy.
Mostly because it completely counts out the groom. I’m all for people creating vision boards and putting it out there, but one should make a clear difference between aspirational and imaginary. According to a clinical psychologist quoted in the NY Times article, Dr. Lisa Morse,
“I think for anybody it’s much easier to plan a wedding than it is to form a meaningful relationship that is going to lead to a fulfilling marriage,” Dr. Morse said. “And so I think for some people this becomes a way of taking away their anxiety or refocusing their anxiety away from their real concern, which is meeting somebody.”