Do you want to know about your guy’s exes?+comment
When it comes to the romantic past of their current partners, a lot of people ascribe to a ‘don’t ask, don’t tell’ school of thought. They would rather not hear any of the details of their love’s past loves or lovers. My dude is like this. He has no desire to hear any story or anecdote about any of my ex-boyfriends, no matter how hilarious, and he absolutely refuses to answer any of my questions about his own romantic history except when absolutely necessary. It’s not that he has anything to hide, he just doesn’t want to go there; he’s happy with our relationship and feels no need to revisit his romantic or sexual past. In his mind, there’s no good reason to dredge up past relationships – particularly not with me.
Though I understand how he feels, I do not feel similarly. I love sharing all my ridiculous dating stories (hence this blog) and I love to hear other people’s… the more outrageous or salacious the better, and I’ve always grilled the guys I’ve dated about their own histories.
Usually the guys were fairly reticent about opening up; many of them thought my questions were a test or a trap and no guy wants to open up and then get in trouble for what he says. Eventually they learned that I was completely sincere in my curiosity and I really wasn’t going to get mad or jealous. I don’t mean to imply that I am impervious to insecurity or jealousy. I was always very careful not to ask any questions to which I didn’t want to hear the answer. So though I would totally ask, “What’s the craziest place you ever had sex?” I would not ask ‘Which of your ex’s was the best in bed?’. Usually, (and again, my guy is a totally the exception) once it became clear that they really weren’t going to get into trouble, many of the guys I dated were remarkably candid with me.
I think I learned a lot about guys from those discussions. Sometimes I wish my guy were more open to it. We didn’t meet each other until our early thirties, so we both had a lot of dating under our belts. For me, sharing those stories would be a fun bonding experience and a great way to get to know each other even better. I’m sure if I really pushed my guy he’d oblige me with a few stories from his ex-files, but he wouldn’t find it enjoyable so it would totally defeat the point. As such, I respect and accept his desire to keep his romantic past in the past. After all… it is the present we share and the future we’re building together that really matter.
What about you? Is hearing stories from your person’s past a fun bonding experience or a minefield of potential jealousy and recrimination? Does knowing things about the exes make you feel closer or drive a wedge?