We dated the Zeros… so you don’t have to.

21
June

Don’t date the villain

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With Anthony Weiner, Jessie James, Tiger Woods, Charlie Sheen and Kesley Grammar out there, it seemed unlikely that someone could out-douche this pack of tools for the dubious honor of creepiest guy of the week. Folks, we just had a dark horse come out of nowhere!

51 year-old actor Doug Hutchinson just married a 16-year-old aspiring country singer. You read that right… 16! I didn’t even know that was legal. (I’m actually quite dubious that she is 16 – when I was 16, I looked mature for my age. She looks like the babysitter. Regardless, he either thinks he married a 16-year-old or is willing to let people think he did. Either way… horrible) Hutchinson is probably best known for his role in Green Mile, but I always think of him as Eugene Victor Tooms, the icky cocoon-making cannibal from The X-Files).

This story reminded me of some very good dating advice someone once gave me that I thought I’d pass along; Don’t date the villain. It is one thing to be attracted to the bad-boy type, but quite another to be attracted to the bad-guy type. What’s the difference?  Imagine that the guy in question is a character in a movie… would he be the hero? The sidekick? The sexy but misunderstood guy? The comic relief? Or would he be the villain? If the answer is the villain, you really shouldn’t be dating him.

If that idea feels too abstract, think about what actor he most reminds you of, or better yet, who would play him in a movie. If it is Matt Damon, you’re probably in good stead. If it is Gary Busey or Peter Weller, you might want to break up with him. And get a restraining order. There are, of course, exceptions… yes Alan Rickman has played some awesome villains to great effect, but then again he also played Colonel Brandon, whose goodness more than cancels out all the mischief that Hans Gruber could manage. Certain actors, however, always play the villain, and if your guy reminds you of one of them, you should probably rethink your relationship.

Granted, I’m not familiar with every credit on Doug Hutchinson’s imdb page, but all the ones I do recognize are characters where he not only played a bad guy, but a super creepy one. And really, what’s more creepy than a 51 year-old who would, in most states, have to wait 2 years to have sex with his bride to keep from being a statutory rapist?

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2 Responses to “Don’t date the villain”

  1. June 21, 2011 at 12:04 pm

    From someone who regrettably married a man 16 years my elder (and divorced him two years later), I believe my ex knew better than to marry me even if I didn’t know better than to marry him. He robbed me of some wonderful life experiences I could never reclaim as we were at completely different points in our lives. So for this “man” to marry a child 35 years his junior…I can’t help but feel very sad for her – and loathsome of him. I realize she’s the willing other party in the union, but I’d guess she’s too inexperienced to weigh out the consequences.

  2. June 22, 2011 at 6:11 am

    Did you read the girls parents reaction?

    Radar Online had some choice quotes about being “totally supportive of this marriage”

    If I own a t-shirt older than you I don’t date you, is the rule of thumb I use.

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