Forgiven Not Forgotten
+comment
Certain things are easier said than done. Dieting, reading long Russian novels, finding the perfect shade of lipstick and, of course, forgiveness. There’s an old adage: “It’s easier to forgive than forget.” Not to disagree, but I would argue that it’s easier to forget than it is to truly forgive.
Relationships are all about forgiveness. Couples fight, the compromise, they make up, they forgive. And forgiveness is so vital, especially when you’re talking about a person that you profess to love. That’s why it’s so important to actually forgive. We’ve all had those fights. Any “Friends” fans in the house? Ross and Rachel practically based their relationship around these fights, between being “on a break” and throwing around stuff from the past. You know the fights I’m referring to. The ones where you don’t even realize why you’re mad until you find yourself shouting at your partner: “I can’t believe you did such-and-such a thing six months ago!” Your partner is most likely completely blindsided by this accusation. After all, you said that you forgave them. Why are you bringing this up now?
Why indeed? Perhaps because it is a lot easier to say that we forgive someone than to actually do it. We all tell little white lies to save other people’s feelings. It is rare that they come back to haunt us. However, forgiveness isn’t a little white lie. If you say that you forgive someone, you actually have to do it. It isn’t fair to say you forgive and still hold a grudge. It’s not fair to you, to your partner or to your relationship.
Relationships are veritable mine fields. We will always try to go out of our way to avoid hurting the one that we love. However, in the long run, it’s a lot more hurtful to lie to someone about forgiving them. You don’t have to be one hundred percent honest with your partner. You probably shouldn’t be. If I ask my guy “Do you think that girl is prettier than me?” I don’t ever want to hear “Yes” as an answer. I don’t care if the woman is Salma Hayek, I still don’t want to hear yes. But if I say to him “I’m so sorry that I offended you but doing that thing. Do you forgive me?” I only want to hear yes if he does, in fact, forgive me. If not, then we’ve really accomplished nothing. I may feel better right now, but I’m going to feel worse when I find out that he is still mad at me. And he’ll feel bad for the fight and for lying. No one wins in this situation.
One of the best parts of being a part of a couple is being one half of a team. It’s you two against the world, together. You can’t present a united front when you’re suffering an internal split. It may be painful. It may prolong the fight that you hate having, but you owe it to your partner: don’t throw the word “forgive” around lightly. Forgetting is not the same thing as forgiving. For one thing, you’re bound to remember sooner or later and that can cause a host of problems. Those pesky little things we have called “emotions” will always pop up in some form or another, usually when we least expect it. Forgetting is possible, but not until you truly forgive. So take the time that you need to really clear the air with your partner. You’ll be glad you did.
The Zeros Field Guide
The Ambiguously Gay Guy
[conflictious sexualous or homus streisandticus]
A chameleon-like variety of man which causes confusion and frustration in prospective mates; this species tends toward cleanliness, vanity and an inexplicable love of footwear.
See: Ryan Seacrest
The Manslut
[masculus rakehellious]
A feral variety of the male species, known for copulating with a large variety of females. Indigenous to nightclubs, frat houses, and often found in close proximity to reflective surfaces, this nomad is frequently found in packs of other Mansluts. This animal uses its appearance and charms to lure its prey.
Synonyms: Gonorrhea Boy, Mario Lopez or Colin Farrell.
The Verbal Masturbator
[oralivis beat-offitum]
This species spends most of his time with others talking only about himself. Believing his every move is important and must be regaled, and do so, loudly and repeatedly, especially to the woman he believes so lucky to be his date. His unique hearing seems to only be able to discern accolades and the sound of his own voice above everything else.
The Dead Electrician
[disappearaveatum inexplicti]
A rare breed of males that after spending happy, fulfilling, seemingly normal times with a wonderful woman, disappears off the face of the earth and never calls again. Signs of dead electrician disappearing behavior come in coded messages such as ‘I’ll call you later,’ “Let’s make plans for this weekend,” or “I’ll call you Friday when I’m on my way over.”
The Cheapskate
[dutch-treaticus infinitum]
A variety of male that hordes its resources to the detriment of its mate.
The Mirage
[perfectus prevaricatum]
Projects the image of perfection, luring unsuspecting females to the parched dessert of disappointment and despair.
The Big Talker
[bullshitkus perfectus]
An intuitive form of chameleon, this breed can accurately access the needs of potential mates and will verbalize his intentions to meets these needs. He will meet none of these needs.
The “Nice” Guy
[politea blanditus or pleasantillum lacklustericium]
A common species of man that suffers from delusions of nicety as the reason of their inability to secure a mate. Have an inability to admit to their other characteristics such as needy, boring, insecure, socially awkward or bad in bed.
The Virtual Man
[texticus ad nauseus]
The species creates an impression of closeness called a Virtual Relationship through near constant indirect communication. This specifically modern species of man is known for poor grasp of spelling and grammar, and also known for expressing all feelings through emoticons. Anthropologists suspect this genus will, over time, develop engorged thumbs due to excessive texting and may die out do to no actual physical interactions.
The Little Friend
[minusculis shaftivitum]
A species known for their expensive modes of transport, they are endowed with a penis of inadequate size. While this alone does not make them an undesirable potential mate, it doesn’t help. Often this species will attempt to overcompensate their unfortunately small member with an unfortunately large ego.
The Jockstrap
[sporticus obssesum]
The specific male species so obsessed with a sport, their team, their fantasy football league, fantasy baseball league and sports center updates that they have little time for reproduction or even copulation. Experts recognize this species by the excess hot wing consumption and empty pizza boxes littering their female free abodes. Can often be heard from a distance yelling, screaming or cursing their beloved teams.
The Closeted Addict
[bacanalus coverti]
Known for his ability to ingest large amounts of questionable, and often illegal, substances, while giving little indication of this behavior.
Recent Comments
Andy commented on Movies That DON’T Stand The Test of Time (but you wish they did) -- Maybe not your cup of tea, but what about Highlander? Like the story line but wow, on a rewatch, so much cheese and bad acting. Did you hear there's a Red Dawn remake on the way? Oh yeah...
Claudia Maittlen-Harris commented on Movies That DON’T Stand The Test of Time (but you wish they did) -- I was OBSESSED with Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves (which is what saved it from this list). Today it's a little painful, but from someone who saw it 5 times in the theatre, who am I to judge? Top Gu [...]
Dan commented on Movies That DON’T Stand The Test of Time (but you wish they did) -- I CANNOT watch Top Gun now. I feel so embarrassed for the actors, and for myself loving it as a kid, that I become physically unable to sit and watch it. It's just cringe-inducing. In case you have [...]
