We dated the Zeros… so you don’t have to.

14
February

How To Prevent Your Own Personal Valentine’s Day Massacre

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Looking back, I think it started in grade school. Everyone was practically required to give out those cheesy paper cards. You know the ones I mean. They usually featured popular cartoon characters or pseudo rock stars and came complete with flimsy little envelopes. I would come home from school, flush with cards bearing corny sayings (U R 2 Cute 2 B 4gotten!)… and promptly throw them in the garbage.

Yup, I’ve always been the anti-Valentine’s Day girl. As if there isn’t enough peer pressure in our lives (be thin, but not too thin! Wear these brands! Act this way!), we also don’t measure up if we’re not madly in love. And, please.  Who is? I promise you that even Brad and Angelina fight because he doesn’t throw his socks in the hamper. And, yet, every February we’re forced to be in love. If you’re single, then tragic woe be upon you.  If you are fortunate enough to be in a relationship, then you better love your partner EXTRA SPECIAL MUCH on February 14th.  Why?  Because that’s what you’re supposed to do, silly! Well, to quote Twisted Sister, “we’re not going to take it anymore.”  No longer will today be held hostage by the hearts and flowers crowd.  February is short enough as it is.  Let’s not waste our precious time.

For starters, don’t wear red. Unless you want to, that is. Maybe you look sensational in red. If that’s the case, by all means, rock it and rock it hard. However, if red isn’t your thing then skip it. No holiday other than St. Patrick’s Day tells us what color to wear. Embrace the purples, blues and yellows of the world.  Wear what makes you feel good, not what some random saint dictates. I was raised Catholic and, trust, saints did not really understand what makes life fun.

While we’re at it, pick entertainment that makes you feel good, too. Hollywood likes to shove romantic comedies down our throats at this time of year, but that doesn’t mean we have to watch them. One of the best anti-Valentine’s Days I’ve had involved a group of girlfriends, a ton of junk food and some serious horror movies. It’s hard to be bummed out because what’s his name with the Beemer didn’t call/send flowers, text/ Tweet when Sissy Spacek is raining down vengeance and terror with her supreme telekinetic powers.

Murder by mind power aside, there’s nothing wrong with having some romance in your life. It’s a wonderful thing and I encourage everyone to embrace the little “romantical” things that come your way.  Just do so on your own terms.  Society and pop culture have too much control over the way we think, dress, and view ourselves already (case in point: fashion wise, the 80s are back.  And we’re allowing it to happen because the magazines say pegged jeans are okay!).  According to a recent study, too much social networking can actually make you sadder. We see all these people and their perceived perfect lives and it just reminds us of all the things we think we’re missing.  We’re already too hard on ourselves, the last thing we need is a day devoted to supposedly perfect couples. Remember this: nothing and no one is perfect. As soon as Valentine’s Day is over, paper hearts are torn down, flowers begin to wilt and Prince Charming shows his frog-like side.  So start your own anti-Valentine’s tradition.  Maybe it’s mani-pedis with your girlfriends.  Maybe it’s Alanis Morissette’s first album on repeat.  Maybe it’s prom night slasher movies.

Or maybe it’s acknowledging the best thing about Valentine’s Day: 50% off candy on February 15th.

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Elisabeth Fitzgerald

About the author: Elisabeth Fitzgerald

Elisabeth Fitzgerald is a Chicago born, Los Angeles based writer. In addition to writing fiction and non-fiction, she also works in the entertainment industry. When not holed up with a pen in her hand or a script at her side, she enjoys Tejano music, vintage clothing and tricking herself into exercising with yoga. Her dislikes catalog a number of prominent ZEROS.

Elisabeth has written 63 articles for us.

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