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June

Innappropriate Sexual Advice for Teens: Lesson 2

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Several weeks back Megan wrote some advice geared towards our younger readers. While I don’t know if we have “younger” readers per se, we do believe in getting the word out to those sexual immature and reckless teenagers (or perhaps even grown ups with arrested sexual development) with what we like to call Innappropriate Sexual Advice for Teens (See The Blowjob Generation – It’s All Fun and Games until Someone Gets Cancer).

I felt compelled to write this after Jezebel spotted a hilarious story on the AP revolving high school kids and fingering. Yep, you read that correctly. While I never thought I’d be writing about fingering in my 30’s, here I am. Apparantly the editor’s of this California high school yearbook missed the guy in the background of a photo on their memory page fingering his date at a dance.  This is both horrific and awesome. Horrific that fingering at a school dance is happening, but slightly awesome that an entire classes’ yearbook was recalled in order to avoid the seniors possibly facing possession of child porn. What? I know I shouldn’t laugh (this is serious people!) but I couldn’t help it. And it got me thinking more about fingering in general. (Also never thought I’d write that sentence either).

Lesson 2: Guys, stop fingering girls.

As teenagers, I can’t remember any girl who enjoyed being fingered. Let me be clear, using fingers for sexual stimulation can be a very good thing. That’s not what I mean by fingering. Fingering is when a guy uses his finger to simulate the in and out motion that he wishes he was doing with his penis. Sadly this is not usually done with any skill or finesse; the frog you dissected in biology treatment gets more delicate attention than a high school girl’s vagina when it is getting fingered. I get that fingering a girl must feel like a notch on a young teenage boy’s belt, especially if they haven’t had sex yet, but for the girls this is just an uncomfortable rite of passage (much like being forced to learn how to use a tampon because you’ve been invited to a really cool pool party).

I remember the first girl in our group who got fingered, who then braggingly told us “it’s pretty much just like having sex.”  I still remember sitting there in her room thinking to myself… really? Because I’ve seen a lot of movies, and I don’t remember them getting all hot and bothered over some guy’s index finger.

Somehow even the terms are getting worse.  I always heard ‘fingering’, now it’s ‘fingerbanging’, and then when talking about this high school photo to some people, the term ‘fingerblasting’ came up.  I just want to point out that I don’t think anything is remotely sexy or gratifying if the words used to describe it could also describe work being done on a construction site.

So teenage guys out there, or if you’re older and still fingering girls (but this is slightly disturbing to me), look up a few techniques on the internet in terms of where your finger should really be (Hint, it’s called a clitoris). And trust me, thrusting, banging or blasting anything straight up into her vagina is not the way to go.

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3 Responses to “Innappropriate Sexual Advice for Teens: Lesson 2”

  1. August 20, 2014 at 1:46 am

    “Boys, stop fingering girls.”

    So where is the girl’s agency in this story? I don’t see allegations of sexual assault, but the tone here is that at best she allowed herself to be fingered. Heaven forbid she wanted to be fingered, or even asked to be fingered. This column comes straight from a 50s attitude towards female sexuality. Boys “doing stuff” to girls who are meek semi-willing participants because they have no sex drive of their own. Thanks for the covert sexism.

    Oh, but then there’s the overt sexism. Boys, if you want to be loved by women, learn this list of THINGS WOMEN DON’T LIKE. Don’t consider the girl in front of you to be a unique human being with her own likes and dislikes, turn-ons and turn-offs. Don’t talk to her, ask her, communicate with her. There’s no need. She’s just a girl, the same as – and interchangeable with – any other girl.

    So this article is completely sexist, and is disempowering to women.

    It also contains REALLY bad advice. Fingering is perfectly normal, it’s in the Kinsey report (the thing that stopped us from having a 50s view of female sexuality in the first place). So the author doesn’t like to be fingered. Nobody cares. She’s only basing this on low-quality sexual experiences she had as a teen. That’s sexual repression in action right there; someone this repressed has NO business giving “sexual advice for teens”. And what a very limited view of foreplay she must have, if she’s never been properly fingered!

    Obviously you can get a girl off with your fingers on her clitoris, that’s Sex 101, real basic stuff. But to say that’s the only way you’re ever supposed to use your fingers is narrow-minded and, frankly, wrong. A great many girls enjoy 1 or usually 2 fingers inside them, moving in and out simulating sex (“fingerbanging”), and many can achieve orgasm from that alone. It’s far preferable to full sex on a safety basis alone, and completely appropriate to teens who are just starting to explore themselves. It’s also appropriate to teens who aren’t able to “get a room”, as it involves minimal undressing. Just make sure she’s fully wet, and take it slow. If she likes it, you’ll know. (She may even like it on the dancefloor, although watch out for “disturbed” 20-somethings moralizing at you.)

    For the more advanced lover, if you want to give your girl a G-spot orgasm (and trust me, you do), fingers are by far the easiest way to do it – there are many guides to this online. The G-spot is inside the vagina so rubbing the outside just ain’t gonna cut it, I’m afraid.

    Boys, plenty of girls LOVE being fingered. The one writing the article doesn’t. Take from that what you will.

  2. May 7, 2015 at 11:48 am

    Is it just me or are most of your posts one sided?

    First girls don’t want sex and now when they do you act like the boy forced himself onto her. You should stop blaming one sex for everything and become an unbiased writer. You’re making our entire gender look bad. Get off the computer and go put on some lip-gloss or something.

    • Claudia Maittlen-Harris May 7, 2015 at 1:38 pm

      To say girls don’t want sex is not really accurate. However, what every girl and woman wants is unique and different, and we embrace that. As for our posts being one-sided, well, this is a blog. Our blog. Of our opinions. Enjoy or don’t. Welcome to the internet. We don’t blame one sex for everything. Read more posts and relax a little and you’ll see that.
      And as for gloss, I’m a member of a lipgloss of the month club and carry my three faves in my purse at all times – so I’m doing okay on that front. If you want any lipgloss advice, I’m here:)
      – Claudia

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