We dated the Zeros… so you don’t have to.

08
February

Meeting Brandi Glanville and a Review of Her Book “Drinking & Tweeting”

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urlLast week I attended Gilt City LA‘s event for Brandi Glanville‘s book launch. If you’re asking, ‘Who is Brandi Glanville?’ you obviously don’t read US Weekly or watch The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills.  I just lost some of you, didn’t I?

Quick catch up, Brandi’s (now ex) husband, tv actor Eddie Cibrian, had a very public affair with country star Leann Rimes (caught by TMZ) and left Brandi a “jobless, homeless, mother of two living out of her $1,200-a-month SUV and couch-surfing from one hospitable friend to the next.”  Brandi describes her available skills post-divorce as,  ”I could rock the smallest bikini, fuck like a rock star, and make a homemade penne Bolognese that would change your life.”  Enter Bravo’s hit show The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills which turned brash, ballsy Brandi into a fan favorite and recent author. When Brandi isn’t dropping an f-bomb, not wearing a bra, or causing drama on the Housewives with her no-filter opinions, she had time to write a book about the things listed above. “Drinking & Tweeting and other Brandi Blunders” hits bookstores next week.

I read the book and it was a fun read! Brandi is not afraid to talk about sex, Lexapro, her DUI, making out with girls, HPV, therapy, parenting, and vaginal rejuvenation (who knew it cost $12,000!). Oh, she goes there. As if her book editors wanted to cash in on Brandi’s known twitter obsession, lots of statements end with somewhat appropriate hashtag descriptions: #PartyAnimal, #CarbsRock, #BeyonceSaiditBest, #BlowMe,  #JustSayin (she throws this one around the most and it gets old). But mostly it’s a fun, current way for her to quickly judge the behavior she is describing.

For Housewives fans, you’re not going to get any Adrienne or Lisa Vanderpump gossip here. It’s all about the affair, the aftermath and as many Leann digs as she can get in.  Brandi claims that once this book comes out, she is through talking about her ex, and Leann.  While I hope she’s serious, she holds a lot of anger towards both and is not afraid to share it in her book. Granted, who wouldn’t be mad?

Brandi talks about her two sons, parenting as a single parent and the difficulties of raising children in LA with a much wealthier stepmom.  She also discusses dating in a social media savvy world, and how it made getting past the divorce much harder.  Her lessons aren’t new, but some bare repeating.  Brandi explains, “I blame Eddie for breaking my heart, but I blame social media for keeping it broken for so long.”

At the Gilt party (which was super fun, I highly recommend Gilt events!), I asked Brandi what she learned from writing about the events of the affair, the divorce and with the luxury of hindsight.  She admitted that at first she blamed herself and asked herself what was she lacking…if she wasn’t skinny enough, not cool enough, etc.  She then explained, “When a man cheats on you it’s not about you — it’s about notoriety…they want to be with you, but they want [to have] their cake and eat it too.”

Here are some more lessons and experiences gleaned from “Drinking & Tweeting and other Brandi Blunders.”

Brandi on Vaginal Reconstruction:

“If you had the chance to have your seventeen-and-a-half pussy again, wouldn’t you jump at the opportunity?Ultimately, my husband got a new vagina…and so did I.”

“It was basically the equivalent of a tummy tuck for the inside of your kitty cat.”

Brandi on Therapy:

She lists a rather exhaustive amount of procedures under ‘beauty therapy’ that she does once a month.  I respect her honesty, but wow, it’s a lot to know an ex-model who just turned 40 (she’s a beautiful woman)  is doing all of this.  #NoPressure.  According to Brandi,

“Once a month I treat myself to an IPL (intense pulsed light) photofacial to help reduce brown spots and acne scars. Every other month, I go in for a more intense laser therapy called Perfecta.  I give myself weekly Jessner lactic acid peels to rejuvenate my skin and tighten my pores. Botox has been a part of my life for nearly fifteen years – today I am getting it in my forehead, around my eyes, and for the bunny lines around the bridge of my nose.  I also dabble in fillers (both Juvederm and Restylane) for my smile lines, the lines around my lips, my acne scars and my nose.”

Retail therapy: “Set aside some money to indulge yourself.  I call it ‘the come-fuck-me fund.’ It’s the quickest way to get a much-needed pick-me-up.”

 Brandi on Fake Friends:

“Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, go fuck yourself.” – I kind of agree with this one.

This book is a fun, honest account of the tumultuous last few years of her life.  Brandi is like Chelsea Handler, if instead of standup Chelsea married a cheesy actor, stayed at home having babies and then was left for another woman. Wait, it’s nothing like what would happen to Chelsea Handler.  But it’s a fun book nonetheless, nothing that’s going to blow your mind or really shock  you (okay, the recovery and pain from vaginal rejuvenation and it’s cost definitely shocked me), but it’s a great read for flights, the beach, etc.

Thank you Gilt City LA for a great party and Brandi Glanville for some interesting reading over the last few nights!! #TeamBrandi

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