Is it okay to date a friend’s ex?+comment
When I met my guy I also met one of his best friends at the same time. I actually went out for a drink with his friend a few weeks before my guy asked me out for our first date. Though the drinks thing was just my guy’s friend and me, it was not a date. I knew this because while we were drinking our drinks he regaled me with stories about the model he was seeing, which is pretty much universal code for ‘this is not a date’. And thank goodness it wasn’t.
I recently asked my guy if it had been a date, would we still be married. He looked at me as though he was shocked I’d even have to ask. After all… we are married with a baby and we have both told each other on many occasions that we really can’t imagine what life would be like without each other. We know each other so well that I was sure the next words to come out of his mouth would be ‘of course’. And I was right. But the word after the ‘of course’ was ‘not’. As in ‘of course we would not be married and have a kid together if you had been on a date with my friend, what kind of guy do you think I am?’.
I wasn’t sure how I felt about this. On the one hand loyalty to his friends is one of the attributes I really love about my guy. This quality was actually something that first attracted me to him. On the other hand I found it disconcerting that if his friend has been interested in me (he wasn’t) and had considered the drinks thing a date, I would not be married today.
I understand where he’s coming from. Of course I do. I definitely believe that dating a friend’s ex-boyfriend is totally out of line. But I don’t think a friend having gone on a date or two with a guy would make him off limits for the rest of time. I need a little outside perspective.
What do you think?