We dated the Zeros… so you don’t have to.


Last minute Halloween costume ideas


When I was a kid my friend Kelly and I donned extremely complicated Halloween costumes requiring weeks of construction. Once year she went as a piano and I was sheet music. Another year I went as a microwave and she was a refrigerator. Though the costumes were creative, they were unsuccessful on the only front that really mattered; because all the parents wanted to take pictures of us, we ended up spending a lot of time at each house which meant we couldn’t go to as many houses and thus didn’t get as much candy. Also, walking around in a tricked-out cardboard box for hours is extremely uncomfortable.

Even when I got older, instead of using Halloween as the one night to dress slutty without recrimination, I still picked overly elaborate and uncomfortable costumes which even the Amish would find a bit prudish. For example, one year I decided to go as Pre-Raphaelite post-drowned Ophelia. I was really proud of this costume. I scoured Goodwills for weeks to find the right dress, then soaked in a tea to make it look like it had been dragged up from the bottom of a river. I bought a wig so long it would make Lady Godiva feel follicley challenged, coated it with Vaseline to make it look wet and stuck twigs and leaves in it. I put blue in my foundation to give myself a deathly pallor. It was great… except the party I wore it to was packed with people and was stiflingly hot. Also, a funk band was playing. It is really hard to get down to ‘She’s a Brick House’, in a floor-length gown and twig-encrusted wig.

Finally I wised up. I learned that when it comes to Halloween costumes, simple (and comfortable) is often better. Sure, you may not win any originality awards, but chances are you’ll actually enjoy yourself more.

Since Halloween is mid-week this year, most of the parties will be tomorrow night. If you’re still without a costume there’s no need to go to one of those awful stores that overstake depressing empty retail spaces at this time of year and plunk down a chunk of change for some slutty pirate girl costume. Nope. Here are a few quick and affordable options you can pull together in a day.

  • Walking Pink Slip: Wear a one piece slip that is pink. This was the laziest costume in my Halloween history but I actually got a lot of complements. I got lucky and found a really cute vintage pink slip at the Goodwill. If you can only find white slips in your underwear drawer you can always go to a fabric or craft store and buy some pink die, or you can make a trip to JC Penny’s and buy one for really cheap. Because you’re technically in your undergarments, you’ll be a little sexy without crossing the line to slutsville.
  • Day of the Dead Girl: Here’s a tutorial on how to do some great Dia de Los Muertos makeup. Break out a little black dress, or go with a tight black top and pants, and you’re good to go.
  • Flasher: This is a great one if you have really good legs. Find yourself a trench coat (If you don’t have one, Goodwills should have a bunch) and wear really short shorts that won’t show under the coat. Done.
  • Black Cat: Most CVS and Rite Aids have an adult-sized cat ear/tail set for really cheap. Apply some kitty makeup (youtube has a ton of tutorials) and you’ll be purrrfect.
  • Bed Bug Victim: This one is both sexy and creepy and can be quickly taken care of with a trip to Rite Aid and a little DIY ingenuity. Buy a bag of bugs and glue them to a pair of nude-color panty hose. It will look like bugs are crawling up your nighty.
  • Ghost: When in doubt, you can always go with a white sheet.

Do you have any quick and easy costume ideas? Do tell.


Leave a Reply

Subscribe to Comments via RSS