We dated the Zeros… so you don’t have to.

21
February

Meeting the Parents: Dads You’d Least Like to Meet

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Last night’s “The Bachelor” had 4 ladies bringing home the dull, boring, horribly-styled Bachelor Ben to meet their parents.  (Seriously, his hair disgusts me. It’s all I can do not to  reach through the tv and shave it off).  Now while Ben, his three boring ladies, one psycho lady and their respective parents had no Keystone-Cop-style-Meet-the-Parents shenanigans, there were a lot of awkward moments.

I’ve tried to imagine what it must be like to drag your family into a staged and overly produced dinner to meet your new “boyfriend,” and then have quasi-real conversations about an impending “wedding.”  My mother loves all things dramatic and would probably revel in the idea of cameras at the dinner table and the ability to show millions her feelings of superiority (and you wonder why I love Maggie Smith’s character in “Downton Abbey”). However, it always seems to me that “The Bachelor” producers love a daddy’s girl.  (They love a coquettish-type with a dash of aw-shucks and an overly simplistic/princess view of marriage and commitment).  Not knocking Daddy’s girls – I’ve just never been that type.  So instead I imagine if I were in that predicament that my step-dad would just keep pouring cocktails to keep up the ruse while he wanted to pull me aside and say “what the fuck are you doing?”

All in all the fathers on the tv show are nice, accommodating and not too many “what are your intentions” type questions (poor Kacie and her overbearing parents).  However, with the idea of Ben Stiller in Meet the Parents, I wondered which famous Dads would be the most intimidating or worst to meet.

All of these men have daughters and meeting them as a future son-in-law could be interesting. Which of these father’s would you’d least want to date his daughter?

1. Clint Eastwood
He even makes Chrysler commercials creepy, can you imagine a long, intense dinner?  That craggy voice would be enough to intimidate the crap out of any guy.

2. Dick Cheney
The man believes in waterboarding, not to mention all the ex-secret service/Blackwater type contacts he still has in his cell phone. Despite his ailing health, this guy would make dating his daughter daunting.

3. Robert De Niro
The guy hardly seems like the easiest conversationalist, combined with a seemingly awkward and uncomfortable disposition in general.  Let’s hope mom carries the conversation.

4. Sean Penn
Brush up on your politics but keep your guard up – there is something oddly angry and volatile about this guy. Maybe he’s a softie on the inside, but men dating father’s daughters rarely bring out a father’s soft side.

5. Sidney Poitier
He’s just so regal and commanding that any guy would feel like they were in a lecture hall and not home to meet Daddy.

6. Francis Ford Coppola
He created one of the most enduring, revered films of all times, but I wouldn’t doubt the man is connected.  I’d get to know him first before you headed off to his home in Italy.

7.  Charlie Sheen
Right now his little girls are sweet and little, but they’ll grow up and if they have ⅛ of the crazy their dad has, watch out for whomever they bring home.  I imagine a dinner with Charlie would be part fun, part bizarro and part spent listening to his wild escapades and belief in warlocks. Either way, it would make for a nerve-wracking night.

8.  Mel Gibson
I imagine dating one of his daughters would be difficult.  She may or may not be a religious zealot or secretly anti-semetic, but dinner could be a fun, engaging night. Then again, when Mel loses his temper, he threatens lives and gets super disturbing. Good luck with that if the wine comes out.

9.  Arnold Schwarzeneggar
The man is the Terminator. No matter how old he gets (his face gets creepier and creepier – it is starting to look like when he breathed the toxic air in Total Recall), he’s still build like a mac truck and has arms the size of 3rd graders.


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