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17
June

Ryan Reynolds… Green Lantern? Really? Call me, seriously.

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Whenever the name Ryan Reynolds comes up, the general consensus is he’s funny and talented, not to mention hot and charming (when his name comes up around women).  But ask them to name a good Ryan Reynolds film, and the discussion quickly ends. Take a few extra moments to think, and the guys may say Blade: Trinity or Smokin’ Aces, while the women might say Definitely, Maybe or The Proposal - although it’s really a Sandra Bullock film and doesn’t really count. So this history should have prepared me for the Green Lantern trailer. Holy crap this looks painful.  We already discussed one movie not to see this weekend, I think even a 14-year old will agree that the posters for Green Lantern look like a green Jar-jar Binks is in this movie, and the rest of it looks stupid – despite the epic marketing campaign to make it look like anything but the stupidest film ever. Transformers 3 looks like a better plot line than this, and that’s saying a lot.   Which brings me to the conclusion that for all Ryan Reynolds’ good looks, comedic timing, and amazing abs, he can’t pick a good script to save his life.

Ryan, call me.  I mean it.  I nominate myself as your new and much needed script reader and movie advisor.  I can’t do worse than whomever you have now, and I work cheap. In case you’re hesitant to call, let’s review.  After your most successful year (Wolverine and The Proposal – although technically other people’s movies), you starred in Paper Man and Buried. Remember those hits?  Nope.  None of us do either because no one saw them.

While Reynolds began his early career on tv and developing some cult status in Van Wilder, he went on to choose Waiting, Chaos Theory, Just Friends, and The Nines. Seriously, don’t take this guy to Vegas with you, because despite the odds, he’ll lose.

Obviously Hollywood agrees, as do I, that this guy has serious leading man potential.  Did I mention those abs?  I’m convinced Ryan Reynolds could be an 80’s Mel Gibson (excluding recent drunk, violent, anti-semetic, homophobic, and frankly disturbing behavior) but the old Mel Gibson.  Reynolds could do the Martin Riggs part funny, part charming, part tough cop.  Or even a Bruce Willis-type career (Ryan Reynolds could have done wonders for Hudson Hawk) possibly?

But left to your own devices (or your current agent and manager), I expect Green Lantern to tank, get horrible reviews and end up in the realm of Howard the Duck, Catwoman, Stealth or Battlefield Earth.  Maybe I’m wrong.  Maybe 14 year olds and enough Van Wilder fans will have already seen Thor, Super 8, Hangover 2, Bridesmaids, or Pirates of the Caribbean 4, and make your film remotely successful.  But if we’re placing a bet, I imagine it will tank and Ryan has already signed on to some college party guy/homicidal killer/man buried alive/bullshit. Good luck with that Ryan.

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3 Responses to “Ryan Reynolds… Green Lantern? Really? Call me, seriously.”

  1. Elisabeth Fitzgerald June 17, 2011 at 10:25 am

    Can I volunteer The Amityville Horror as a good Ryan Reynolds movie? I mean, I know it’s not good but he has his shirt off a lot, so…

    No, my favorite Ryan Reynolds role was on the sitcom 2 Guys, A Girl and a Pizza place. He was so charming.

  2. Claudia Maittlen-Harris June 17, 2011 at 10:52 am

    I saw Amityville Horror in the theatres (mostly b/c I love scary movies and the first one scared the crap out of me as a kid), but this was when I realized his abs were in a league of their own. I don’t remember much, except his abs… so that counts. Right? I actually wanted to like Definitely, Maybe until it became out telling your daughter about different women you’ve banged and she decides if the love of your life is actually her mother. Um, what? The kid part creeped me out.

  3. June 17, 2011 at 11:06 am

    I find fault with your argument — THE PROPOSAL was not only a good movie, but much of it was good because he was good in it.

    I’m also a man.

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