We dated the Zeros… so you don’t have to.


See, it really isn’t different with you


It may be petty but sometimes saying ‘I told you so’ feels so damn good. Even if I’m ‘saying’ it via a blog post about a Z-level celebrity I care absolutely nothing about. Okay, it is definitely petty. Ah well.

That’s right, I’m talking about Kat Von D’s recent proclamation that the demise of her relationship/engagement to celebridouche Jessie James was due to the fact that he cheated on her with 19 different women (Gasp! Surprise! Incredulity!).

Yup, the dude who cheated on America’s sweetheart with a gaggle of tattooed, skanky-looking ladies also cheated on his tattooed skanky-looking lady. Presumably with more tattooed, skanky-looking ladies (to be clear, in no way am I conflating tattoos and skankiness. One can be tattooed and one can be skanky-looking, and in this case these ‘ladies’ seem to be both). The only real shocker is that somehow Kat managed to discover an exact number of ‘other women’ – I sort of feel like if you’ve hit 10, you can stop counting. Once you’ve reached double digits, it’s all humiliation gravy after that.

So here comes the ‘I told you so’ portion. Remember way back in March when I wrote the article ‘Life Lessons From Mrs. Celebridouche’ about the legions of foolish women who continue to date/marry men who’ve repeatedly and publically proven themselves to be total dicks? Kat Von D was one of these women. And no, I don’t fancy myself some sort of fancy prognosticator for predicting that Kat would find herself publically humiliated by Jessie’s inevitable infidelity. That was obvious to everyone. Except, of course, to Kat. I’ve never met any of the people involved in this sordid affair (or affairs) but I’m guessing that Kat felt that her relationship with Jessie was entirely different from his previous relationships, and thus he would never betray her.

Here’s my take on the whole thing… if at any time in your relationship, but particularly in the very beginning of the relationship, you find yourself saying ‘It will be different with me’, you should seriously check yourself lest you wreck yourself. Because you will totally wreck yourself. Guaranteed.

Certainly people can learn and grow, but at the risk of sounding cynical, seldom do they fundamentally change. This is one of the concepts behind the need to identify and avoid Zeros in one’s love life – because a Zero will never turn into The One, no matter how much time, faith or patience you put into him. Hell, didn’t Jessie James (a Zero if ever there was one) supposedly go to rehab for sex addiction or something? Clearly he missed a few steps.

We’ve all heard the saying ‘If he cheats with you, he’ll cheat on you’ and I stand by the wisdom of that in 99.9% of cases. The same can usually be said of any horrendous behavior a guy habitually exhibits in a relationship, be it cheating, neglect, or verbal or physical abuse. Falling in love is always a bit of a risk, but if you’re willing to trust that ‘it will be different with me’ with a guy who has been guilty of these sorts of things in the past, you’re not just taking a risk, you’re betting against your own future happiness and wellbeing. Not only that, you’re tacitly condoning the bad behavior and telling the guy (and, in some ways, all guys) that lying/cheating/neglect/abuse isn’t really that bad.

So according to her press/twitter release, Kat Von D has learned some valuable lessons from this painful ordeal. Surely she’s not the first person who has had to learn the blindingly obvious the hard way, and she won’t be the last. In fact, she won’t even be the last to do it with this particular guy. The question isn’t if Jessie James will find another woman who will be sure it will be ‘different with her’, but when. And how quickly she’ll be proved wrong.


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