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28
March

Soaking & Other Freaky Things I Learned About on UrbanDictionary.com

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There are some things that once you learn, there is no un-learning them.  I feel this way about most horrific sex terms – like Dirty Sanchez or Cleveland Steamer. I’m convinced half of these terms are made up by nerdy, horny, teenagers and rarely, if never happen (outside of porn). But they are in my head now, and I’m not happy about it.

My most recent foray into gross, descriptive terms was when I stumbled into a discussion about ‘soaking.’  It was explained to me that ‘soaking’ is the new thing Mormon kids (I’m pointing at you BYU kids, yes you) are doing to get around that whole ‘no premarital sex’ clause in Mormonism.  But just to catch you up to speed in case you haven’t been introduced to the concept of soaking:

Soaking: This method occurs when the males’ erect penis is placed inside the female vagina and lays still. This is the soaking process. The dick soak is a spiritual experience, it allows both partners to connect with each other at a deep level without going all the way. For a dick soak to occur the passionately paused penis must not make a single movement in any direction. It must “soak.”

And then www.urbandictionary.com was a little more succinct in their explanation.

“Soaking: The event of marinating your penis in your girl’s vagina.”

Excuse me while I deal with my gag reflex at the mention of marinating in what… vagina juices? This is so disgusting.

I guess those Mormon college kids take the “no premarital sex” clause in their religion way  more seriously than  Catholics do.   I don’t understand why Mormons can’t ignore that covenant (like Catholics) and learn to deal with the guilt.  Anyway, in not wanting to break this big deal commandment, some wise guy came up with soaking, or more literally, penis soaking.  If they just lay their penis in a woman’s vagina and don’t move it at all – wait, completely still, no movement at all, kind of like a dead fish (way to take all the sex out of sex Mormons), then to them it’s not sex and doesn’t count? What the what??? I hate to break it to you Mormons, but it’s sex. Really bad, gross sex, but it is sex.


I have several problems with the whole concept of soaking.  While it sounds a) disgusting b) completely unsexy c) likely to scar women into not wanting to sleep with her soaking partner ever again, even if she does marry him d) a really bad idea – it also is sex.  Much like sleeping with a man with a miniscule penis, once it enters, even if it was unenjoyable, forgettable and regretable, it counts.  Sorry Mormons, penetration counts.  While they get points for creativity, “soaking” is not a get out of premarital sex free card.  Also, what the hell is happening that college women are somehow being convinced that this is okay?  I imagine there are enough options and toys to keep a girl happy if she’s a hardcore Mormon. While frankly I’m baffled how any of these guys could just lay there and not move, but more baffling is that there are women agreeing to do this?

I will admit that there is controversy among the Mormons that this is a horrible internet rumor. Many say this doesn’t exist, never has, and obviously is not a valid way to claim you virginity.  However, there are also rumors that BYU students were taking weekend trips to Las Vegas to get married, have sex all weekend and then immediately get the marriage annulled. If there is any grain of truth to these rumors, it is that Mormon kids are trying desperately to have sex and make it okay within their religious beliefs.  I’m not here to discuss religion, but there is obviously a problem.  Not that kids having sex is a new problem, I just think these solutions are getting a little out of hand.  Annulments and soaking? These are horrible options. While these kids have a problem, and I don’t have a clear cut answer.  I would say that oral sex and a visit to a sex shop might be a better, more pleasurable, and less controversial option. But that’s just me.

At the end of the day, people can do whatever they want to do in the privacy of their bedrooms.  While I’m not judging college kids going to elaborate measures to figure out a way to have sex, let’s all agree that “soaking” is a repulsive idea. Ladies, don’t fall for this.  If you give it up (because you are giving it up) to “soak” well, your virginity isn’t the only thing you’re giving up.  Check off pride and dignity next to your virginity also. And at the end of the day, while you may get points for creativity and win the “most creepy first sexual experience story” later in life, it won’t be worth it.  Trust me.

 

 

 

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