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What Your Cocktail Says About You







Watching someone order a drink can be a small insight into who that person is.  Some people are creatures of habit and always order the same thing, but most people take a number of factors into consideration before ordering. For example, when out with friends, many people will ask “what are you drinking?”, as a way of testing the waters; is this a civilized chardonnay evening or a lost weekend?  Another important factor in what people order is location :

A nice restaurant = wine or something from their “specialty drink” menu
A dive bar = jack & cokes and the beer crowd
Sporting events = beer
A club = red bull and vodka crowd
Anywhere sunny = margaritas or any drink with an umbrella
A girls night = cosmopolitans, mojitos or anything interesting in a martini glass

The other thing about drinking is that people judge you based on what you order.  A woman ordering Glenlivet on the rocks seems like a tough, ballsy broad. A guy ordering a Pina Colada is in for a lot of ribbing from his friends.  My maturation of drinking started with Bartles & James wine coolers in high school.  There were those few bad nights with girlfriends and a bottle (well more like a jug) of Boon’s Strawberry Hill (I grew up in Texas, what do you expect).  These were too uncool for college, so I advanced to Coors light and blended margaritas. When I graduated early and found myself working at an ad agency overseas, I desperately wanted to appear adult, sophisticated and cool – which led me to white wine.  While I’m sure I failed miserably at the cool and sophisticated part, a long held love affair with wine began.  In my mid 20’s, vodka took my fancy.  With the rise of Cosmos, my introduction to Stoli blueberry and my need to not waste 1,000 calories on booze, vodka never really lost it’s appeal. Today? I’m a bit of a mix: Wine, microbrews and good old vodka… but I’m old enough to know not to drink them all on the same night.

But take it from a bartender (and yes, we are a judgemental crowd), here is a little guideline for what your cocktail says about you.

1. Vodka & cranberry: You want a drink but you don’t like beer and you’re not really fond of the taste of alcohol. It’s easy, it’s affordable and cranberry is good for us, right?

2. Glass of wine: You prefer a nice meal and boutique shopping.  You might also enjoy hearing the conversations of the friends you go out with rather than shouting over the masses as Rihanna pumps in the background.

3. Beer: You’ve been on this alcoholic drip since high school, why change now? It’s cheap, easy, and not much of a hangover.  You’re easy going, you cheer for your team and if it ain’t broke don’t fix it.

4. Midori sour: You’ve recently turned 21 and don’t realize how unalcoholic this drink choice really is.  You don’t know much about drinking, don’t like the taste of alcohol but ordering this sounds remotely like you know what you’re doing.

5. Long Island Ice Tea/Adios Mother F**ker/Tokyo Tea/LA Water:  Did someone say 5 alcohols in one drink? Did someone say bad choices and not thinking about the consequences? Did someone say I’m still in my early twenties and I don’t feel the effects of excessive drinking yet? Go ahead – drink with abandon and think it’s cool. (It’s really not. Sorry.)

6. Jager Bomb: I’m beginning to wonder how anyone made it through college before the invention of Red Bull.  Add Jagermeister and everyone goes nuts.  This says I need to be filled with regret tomorrow.  I don’t personally understand drinking things that taste like Robitussin – but to each his own.

7. Margarita: What’s not to love?  Mojitos have started to move in on margarita’s much held territory, but this is a standard.  It’s universally liked and an easy choice.  No judgement here, unless you need it blended, and then – well, go back on your cruise and stop annoying the bartenders.

8. Pina Colada: These should only be ordered if you are on a cruise or swimming up to a bar. The bartenders will hate you. You look like you’re 16.  And drinking doesn’t count if it’s the flavor of a jelly bean or smells like lotion.

9. Dirty Martini: You mean business. Nothing says I’m serious like a long straight pour of chilled vodka.  But a word to the wise, order an upscale vodka. This is too potent of a drink to make it ‘well’. Trust me.

10. Cosmopolitan: Strong, tasty, in a large martini glass. Another standard. You can’t really go wrong with a cosmo, even if the Sex and the City craze is over.

11. Whiskey & coke: You do like the taste of alcohol and can hold your own. Since it usually takes years to advance to a whiskey drinker, you seem like quite the confident woman who could handle hanging in a poolhall or a boardroom.

12. Shots: You are not looking to enjoy your drink. You want to get lit quick, and are at least partially interested in finding someone to make out with publically, and possibly not remember much about it tomorrow. Failing that, you will require the services of someone to hold your hair while you puke.


4 Responses to “What Your Cocktail Says About You”

  1. April 21, 2011 at 11:39 am

    I have a problem with #9, Martinis should be made with gin not Vodka.

    • Claudia Maittlen-Harris April 21, 2011 at 3:22 pm

      This is true, you old-school alcohol aficionado, but try finding women drinking gin martinis at a bar. Except if they are in the Rat Pack:)

  2. April 21, 2011 at 1:52 pm

    Hope you’re ready for some poolside Prosecco this weekend!! With wine and/or martinis at dinner, of course.

    • Claudia Maittlen-Harris April 21, 2011 at 3:23 pm

      I do love a pim’s cup by the pool also. But pools open up all kinds of drinking possibilities. Drinks with umbrellas and that look like slushies become acceptable!

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