We dated the Zeros… so you don’t have to.

09
January

Who else needs to be ‘santorum’ed?

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After last week’s Iowa primary, Rick Santorum has been thrust into the national stage in a new way, bringing increased scrutiny to his political record, and also bringing publicity to a campaign of a different kind… one that he has been trying to defeat for years.

Way back in 2003, Sex columnist, occasional This American Life contributor, and ‘It Gets Better’ campaign originator Dan Savage began what I believe to be one of the greatest political pranks in history. In response to what he perceived to be hateful and homophobic sentiments expressed by then US Senator Rick Santorum, Savage began a campaign to define ‘santorum’ in a way that would “memorialize the Santorum scandal” – the definition that he and his readers came (pun intended) up with was… “ the frothy mixture of lube and fecal matter that is sometimes the byproduct of anal sex”.

Somehow, Dan Savage was so successful in turning the last name of an unapologetically anti-homosexual politician into a super dirty word that for years googling the senator’s name brought the dirty definition up in more hits than the actual man. Clearly Dan Savage was more popular than Rick Santorum.

Though normally not a big fan of practical jokes, I have to admit that I think the turning Santorum’s name into a dirty word is pretty genius. And it got me thinking of some other public figures who’s name I wouldn’t mind seeing turned into a dirty word.

Tim Tebow – The word ‘tebowing’ has already become a verb, meaning to get down on a knee and pray, but am I the only one who thinks ‘tebowing’ sound vaguely dirty? I’m sure Tim is a perfectly nice guy, but I find the hoopla surrounding him intensely annoying. Since kneeling is already part of the word, I propose ‘tebowing’ should actually refer to when a man kneels to go down on a woman when she’s standing up. And then, since you’re already kneeling, you can pray for forgiveness or whatever.

Kim Kardashian – Since Kim only came into prominence with the ‘accidental’ release of her sex-tape, it isn’t too big a stretch to tie her name to something dirty. As she always wears three tons of makeup, ‘kardashian’ could be a rash caused by the lipstick marks left on a penis after a blowjob.

Guy Fieri- Am I’m the only one who can’t even stand looking at the host of Diners,  Drive-Ins and Dives (Or as I like to call it, Diners, Dives and Douchebag)? I don’t know if it is his frosted hair or how he wears his sunglasses on the back of his head (why?). Maybe ‘feiri’ could be the burning sensation felt when bleaching one’s public hair.

James Cameron – I know a lot of people love his movies, but James Cameron’s ego is bigger than the Titanic (soon to be in 3D!) with no iceberg in sight to cut it down to size. I think to ‘cameron’ would be when someone is so self-obsessed that he has to look into the mirror in order to get an erection.

A Zeros Before the One Poll

Which of these would you like to see enter the vernacular?

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If you have any other ideas, I’d love to hear ‘em!

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